"Sometimes cyclists are a danger to themselves..."

I recently ordered a Verizon phone line for my townhouse which required a technician coming over to activate the line. My conversation with the customer service rep went something like this:

“Are you available between 8AM and 5PM on the 17th?”
“No, but I’m off on the 18th.”
“That’s available.”
“Is there a window when the technician will be coming?”
“Between 8AM and 5PM, sir.”
“Are you serious? Can he call me when he’s on his way?”
“No, sir. We don't do that.”
“Cool.”

So I spent my comp day last week waking up early and waiting for Verizon to come. And of course, no technician ever showed up. At that point I basically decided, “Screw Verizon. As much as I hate Comcast, I’ll stick with them.” Well, five days later, I found a note on my door that said a technician came on the 22nd and activated my service and “no inside wire/jack work was required.” So, basically, they did the work four days late and I didn’t even need to be home? Needless to say, Verizon is now on top of my “ish list.” I have quite a few lists, including my infamous “man crush list,” headed by The Rock and Jeremy Shockey, but that’s a whole other topic.

Meanwhile, one of Verizon’s biggest competitors, AT&T, is my cell phone provider. Two weeks ago, one of my clients and I were purchasing three Blackberries and were talking it up with the sales rep. He was so approachable and friendly that we jokingly asked if he could hook us up with a discount on our personal lines because my client's boyfriend got a 7% discount through his company. He laughed and said, “I can do better than that.” Well, we both received our latest cell phone bills a few days ago, complete with a 15% discount. If anyone asks, I’m a U.S. Export-Import Bank Employee (whatever that is) and she used to be in the Navy. That's how you do customer service.

So, in light of Verizon ruining my comp day and with Duke playing Maryland this weekend (Go Terps!), here’s a few other items from my “ish list."

People who wear bluetooth earpieces.


People who can’t drive or park.


Personal trainers and people who do stupid exercises.


People who ride their bikes on the road when there’s a sidewalk.

Error: The operation completed successfully.

Yesterday, one of my clients had an issue with scanned images not saving to the correct location within a particular software package. Without hesitation, the software vendor immediately said there was something wrong with the scanner and that the scanner was telling it to save somewhere else. I don’t think I really need to go into how that statement doesn’t make any sense. I've come to understand how software companies function throughout my years in IT. Basically, software companies never like to admit that their products have glitches. So, I decided to google strange software bugs and this is what I found.


Wait, so is this bad?


The software must really have some issues.


Error error?


Thanks for helping to steer us in the right direction.


I feel like no matter what I click, my hard drive is getting wiped.


Grab your kids and run!

So anyway, it's been a busy month thus far, as people are getting back into the swing of things after the New Year. Because of my hard work, I was awarded a comp day. So while you all are working, I'm at home watching Rob & Big on MTV and this is what you're missing.



In case you're not a Rob & Big fan, here's the origin of the net gun.

"Rosie O'Donnell is disgusting...."

The weekend is almost here which means two things: the GURU Holiday Party (belated, we know) and the NFL playoffs. Special shoutout to Sakita Withers for scheduling our party when the Jaguars play the Patriots. As the reigning 2007 GURU Fantasy Football champion (see results below), I like to think I’m the in-house football expert. In my picks last weekend, I was 4-0. Of course, my predictions weren’t documented anywhere, so you’ll just have to take my word for it. Due to my swami-like football knowledge, I decided to put together an unofficial GURU guide to this weekend’s matchups. And by “unofficial”, I mean, if you bet on my predictions and lose, GURU will not be held accountable.

Seattle at Green Bay (Saturday, 4:30 PM). “We want the ball and we’re going to score.” If there’s one thing I know about trash talking in sports, it’s that whenever you guarantee something, the opposite is going to happen. That statement by Seahawks quarterback, Matt Hasselbeck, upon winning the overtime coin toss in the 2004 playoffs against Green Bay, proved to be the dagger in their playoff run, as one of his passes was picked off and run back for a touchdown. Three years later, Hasselbeck attempts to get the monkey off his back as he faces the Packers once again. If the Seahawks lose, Brett Favre is going to retire before Hasselbeck gets another shot and Green Bay will be hurling Donald Trump-to-Rosie O’Donnell-type insults to Hasselbeck for the rest of his career.



Unfortunately for Hasselbeck, this is Favre’s year and he’s going to take the Packers to the Super Bowl, where they’ll eventually lose to whoever comes out of the AFC. Pick: Green Bay.

Jacksonville at New England (Saturday, 8:00 PM) – I hate everything in Boston except for two things: clam chowder and Randy Moss. I’ve been a Vikings fan my entire life and Moss has been my favorite player since 1998. He’s the biggest playmaker in the league and he draws the attention of every defender. As much as I hate New England, this game isn’t going to be close. The Jaguars are going to be embarrassed more than this Polish man that went to a brothel and saw his wife working there. Pick: New England.

San Diego at Indianapolis (Sunday, 1:00PM) – Watching Colts backup quarterback Jim Sorgi play the last regular season game was like when you go to a basketball game and they pick someone out of the crowd to shoot a half-court shot at halftime. You root for them but it's unbearable to watch. Speaking of half-court shots....



Fortunately for the Colts, Peyton Manning has had a week off and is undoubtedly antsy to play and defend his Superbowl title. Pick: Indianapolis.

NY Giants at Dallas (Sunday, 4:30PM) – This is my upset special for two reasons. In my other fantasy football league, I had Eli Manning starting at QB for me. There were at least two weeks where he gave me negative points, including the championship game. I overcame his terrible performances, week after week, and still won the league. Well, my fantasy football team was like the real life Giants. Eli’s terrible, but the team will find a way to win. Eli is like Jan Brady. The older sibling gets all the attention and you feel bad for him for two minutes before you remember how terrible he is. The only difference between Eli and Jan is that when Jan threw a football, it actually hit her target.

Fortunately for Eli, his Dallas counterpart, Tony Romo, is under the public eye and he’s got the dark cloud of Jessica Simpson looming over his head. Her movie, Blonde Ambition, which was shown in eight Texas theaters, grossed $1,190 opening weekend. That’s not a typo; that’s how much Texans hate her right now. And that will be nothing compared to what she’ll experience if the Cowboys lose. If they lose, Dallas fans will hate Jessica Simpson more than Homer hates Ned Flanders, more than Marcy hates Al Bundy, and more than Uncle Jesse hates Kimmy Gibbler.



That’s a lot of pressure for Romo and experience tells us that he does not hold up well under pressure. In last year’s playoffs, he fumbled the snap on a game-winning field goal attempt that ended their playoff run. Put your money on Jan Brady. Pick: New York.

GURU 2007 Fantasy Football Results
1st place: Jeff Hsii
2nd place: Paul Locander
3rd place: Sakita Withers and Rich Bird
4th place: Nick Zarzycki
5th place: Chris Meagher
6th place: Jorge Diaz
7th place: Jeremy Tucker
8th place: Jeff Biehl
9th place: Ahmad Mando and Paul Xu
10th place: Prashant Wilson

iPhone, Do You?

Happy New Year! It’s colder than a polar bear’s toenail in D.C. and it seems everywhere else in the U.S. is experiencing the cold front. Snow is accumulating in the north and the only thing lower than the temperatures in the south are Franz Leger’s droopy pants. In England, some baby hedgehogs are too weak to hibernate because the drop in temperatures is causing a shortage in food.

So the holidays are over and there’s a good chance you got an iPhone as a gift. Now you’re almost as cool as Lindsay Lohan.



With your new toy, you can now talk on the phone, listen to music, check your email, browse the Internet, and watch YouTube videos whenever you want. But with music videos on YouTube like this, are you sure you want Rod Stewart, Bryan Adams, and Sting at the palm of your hands?



Well there’s a few things you should know about the iPhone before you think it’s going to replace BlackBerrys and Microsoft-operated smartphones. I’m sorry to break it to you but the iPhone, at least the first generation of them, is not going to be welcome by network administrators. Being the first generation, it obviously has its kinks that will no doubt be worked out by the second release. The iPhone also works exclusively with AT&T’s network in the U.S., which limits the number of potential consumers. Companies often have their phones under the same plan and expect corporate discounts when purchasing devices in bulk but AT&T won’t sell the iPhone to business accounts, only individual consumers.

Not only does the iPhone come with a hefty price tag (though there was a $200 drop before the holidays), but the iPhone is essentially one piece; it lacks a removable battery so, if the battery dies, so does the device. Although, the support tools that they provide are pretty foolproof.



There are also a number of security reasons why IT won’t support the iPhone. It doesn’t support securing data through file or disk encryption and it can’t be remotely wiped like a BlackBerry. This poses an issue when an employee loses an iPhone and it contains thousands of corporate, confidential email.

And lastly, when put to the blender test, it doesn’t hold up very well.



Not only that, but if you’re going overseas, you may want to leave your new toy at home. I don’t know of many companies that will reimburse you for a $2,000 phone bill.